I'm still pretty unsure about everything right now. I absolutely love you, but then how come I don't want to see you 24hrs like you want to see me? How come I end up feeling guilty if I want to play WoW for an hour, because that means you're alone? Why don't I want to stay the night at your house every single night, I only want to stay every once in a while. You want so much more out of me than I think I'm ready for at the moment. Yeah, I used to be. Then I fucked up and now I doubt everything that I want or think. I know I want you, but there's a part of me that keeps thinking maybe we should take a break for a while and work on ourselves and our life, so then when we put it back together it'll be so much better. But the few times I've brought anything sounding like that up, you freak out and then we fight and I cry and we fight some more and then just act like nothing happened. According to you, I'm completely selfish in the fact that I want to know for a fact if I could own an apartment on my own whenever the hell it is that I move out. Yes, it would be easier to have one with you, but its not about easy. It's about knowing whether or not I can take care of myself on my own, with minimal help. But now I feel selfish and terrible about wanting that for me. And I don't like that.
At all.
Fuck.
I had so much more I wanted to say on here and I can't even think of any of it right now.
I just want to curl up with Hobbes right now and then go hang out with Michael later like I was originally supposed to, but I'm probably going to just tell him no since it was supposed to be just he and I so we could talk, but you'll take offense to that because it won't be including you and you're taking offense to everything I do lately.

Also, I've come to realize that if I'm literally not allowed to go to the bar or probably anywhere without you, I'm never going to be a photographer for bands like I'd like to, and like I was working towards. That's probably the most depressing thought I've had in a while now.



I'm just not happy today.

Anxiety attack.
Not sure what's wrong.
Eck.

À tomber

Have you ever felt like you don't have the right to stand up for something? To push an issue till you either get your way or at least halfway?


Isn't very nice.